Ideas for Bully-Proofing Our Children and Grandchildren

Yes, as parents and grandparents, we can help our kids deal with bullies. And it's that important.

When I left the teaching profession back in 2006, conventional wisdom contained a shift in thinking about this difficult subject. The move was from counseling kids to not bully to HOW NOT TO BE A VICTIM. Psychologists and others were telling us that in actuality, it wasn't bullies who were the instigators of mass shootings, but VICTIMS--people who were marginalized by society. And we see that over and over again in today's news. 

So this is just another way parents and grandparents can help--and help we must!

I culled articles, books, and blogs on the internet to find suggestions. I've listed some here:

​How NOT to Be a Victim of Bullying!
​

• Help your child/grandchild to develop good self-esteem. This is such a biggie for us as grandparents, that I've elaborated below.

I did it! I'm so proud of myself!!

• Encourage them to have a positive peer group. They need to make friends and the right kind of friends.

Nothing better than a good friend! And to have several good friends is even better.

• Don't bow to peer pressure. Just say, "No," and walk away.

• Encourage your grandchild to keep up the good conversations with you and THEIR PARENTS. And parents, please find the time to counsel your young children. 

You can ALWAYS go to your mom and dad. They'll have good advice about how they handled bullies. They can help you with this--always.

• Tell your child/grandchild to look for the kids who might not have friends or a lunch companion and include them. 

There is now a program in many schools called "The Buddy Bench." I'll link a website at the end of my blog.

• Encourage your child/grandchild to value differences--whether it be another culture, race....simply anyone who doesn't look like them or have the same abilities as they do.

• Let's teach our children to always be aware of a safe place or safe adult if they find themselves in a difficult situation.

Wherever you go, always be aware of a safe adult or a safe PLACE.

• Teach your child/grandchild to be assertive. They need to know they have permission to say no, if someone is pressuring them to do something they don't want to do.

They should say no, or simply walk away if someone is saying hurtful things.

My added thoughts~

I write this blog primarily for grandparents, but I'm hopeful that my friends who are young parents will also take to heart the information in this blog. In the list above, probably the #1 that grandparents are good at is helping your grandchild have good self esteem. We grandparents are good at telling our grands how special they are, how smart they are, how beautiful they are......and the list goes on and on. The only thing I would add is to be specific with your praise. For example, if they always help you when they come over, tell them how much you appreciate that. Say something like, "I am really grateful to have such a fabulous grandson who is always willing to help me when I ask." That way it's not hollow praise. They are learning the traits they have that are special and valuable. You might tell them they are great problem-solvers or have wonderful manners and are respectful which you appreciate. All of these specific compliments help them to realize they ARE special and valued. When they have good self-esteem, they usually think enough of themselves so as not to give in to peer-pressure or bullying. And although I addressed this comment to grandparents, of course parents, aunts, uncles and older siblings can heed this advice too, and build each other up! Let's help our kids out.

​Also remember that bullying is not always someone that wants to harm them physically. Most times it's just those "mean girls," or someone who is making fun of them. Those are the sorts of things that really hurt. Help them to deal with that. All the suggestions on this list apply to bullies who use hurtful words.

I don't know about you grandparents or parents, but oftentimes it's helpful to me to have a checklist of things I can do to help my sweet grandchildren navigate this big world. I sure hope this list has helped you, and please let me know of other techniques you have tried. 

We're just walking each other home. . .

If you're a parent reading my blog, use this time to remind your children that they can ALWAYS come to you with life's problems. And if you're a grandparent reading this, remind your grands that their number #1 fan and friend is their parent.

Information on the "Buddy Bench Project"~

​buddybench.org/get-involved/bring-bench-school/

Lastly~

An easy checklist for kids:

Closing thought from Henry James~

"Three things in human life that are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is be kind."